Ever had a hero...

Ever hated someone so much because every time you looked at them all you saw was yourself? Corny as it sounds - I am buffy the Vampire slayer. To make you understand why would take a life time trust me. But its true - some people Identify with there mothers, others have an older sister to believe in. I had a TV Character, go figure. But the truth is the whole way through the series she was my least favourite character; I never liked her she was too much of a goody goody, always fighting the good fight, always shouldering all the burden. But I can see much better now. I didnt like myself then, in fact I couldnt stand who I was and in my teenage mind, factoring around life as well as it could manage - I was Buffy, and I hated every minute of it.

My mom grew up idolising people like Sophia Loren and her mother - now she is them. Shallow, petty, lazy and expecting the world to fall at her feet.Years after my facisnation with the show I can see now - its okay to be who I am. Im the girl fighting the good fight - Im the one chasing away the demons. Okay they dont seem to slober quite as much as Buffy's but I have them and my family has them and my friends have them.

More than anything I can see - Buffy was alone. One person with a mission and she had her friends but this thing that she was, that persona that she had to deal with day in and day out essentially was very very alone. Now I can see that I felt like that. In hating her for being everything that I was, I think it made me realise that I hated myself. I dont anym0re and I think I can look back and say - its okay to be Buffy.<