Awaiting the day...

Can you imagine a place called home, a place where you are surrounded by thousands and yet you can stand completely alone except for God. Not God the figment on your imagination, the visualisation that occurs when you've heard the smae worship song every sunday for five weeks; a place where God will meet you where you are for real.

"And I will follow after you

for

you are my desire....

Oh Jesus

my heart belongs to you...."

I'm going home, if only for one day. So much has changed in the tiny 12 months that have just passed. and this year while i may only have a day ill just have to pack it full of everything that i would normally fit in to a week.

But just one touch... one tiny word breathed in to my life and thats all that counts. To stand face to face with God for just one moment, i would spend the rest of my life saved. No more doubts no more fears... just the peace of being home forever. Who doesnt want that?

"For you alone are great in power

and you have set my heart on fire

and i will lift my heart and soul

to worship you alone."

I'm more excited for this than anything I have been excited for in many a night. I am longing to be back in that place, longing to ind the keys to recreating it in my life. After all its just an arena full on people and sound isnt it?

Its so much more....

Its people sacrificing time and money, energy and sleep to be where God is. And for a moments peace, for a single second of the feeling that someone loves you unconditionally, wouldn't you give up everything you have

??

Anyway...

As it turns out all churches have tradition in the front greed in the trunk and crime in the butt. But I've had enough of it so I'm done with the detail. I've just decided that its not worth investing in - the only thing to invest in is love. In Aaron in God in Nessy and what else is there?

There's the quiet - but I never seem to have that anymore. And try as I might, its seems so hard to get back. Life gets in the way of spirituality - of trancendence. And I so want to trencend, to settle in ultimate truth and serenity.

But maybe thats my mortal foil. Maybe truth and serenity dont go hand in hand. maybe Serenity is a place of being but truth itself a phase. Constantly changing, a phase in an entangled world...

I had a dream that explained it all...

Churches are so beautiful, old majestic places of worship that tell ageless tales of romance, heroism and sacredness. But what happens inside? What is really going on in your church? I had a dream last night that told me exactly what was going on in mine...

Picture this if you can, a sprawling spring day with rolling yellow hills of dancing grass. This place isn't necessarily anywhere in particular, more than likley it's everywhere. On a hill in the distance I can see a beautiful old church, a beacon on the hill shining in the sun. Its foundations are ancient yet the building itself is not in ruins. It's shining in the sun, alone and not lonley, and that is exactly where I am headed. Maybe as a tourist, maybe as a truthseeker but I know this, that place holds something for me.

As I near the beautiful old church an instinct makes me turn around. Off in the distance is an old sage, greying beard flowing, his staff firmly pointing in the opposite direction - towards a distant township.

But I continue towards my goal...

As I near the door instincts tell me to turn again and where the sage was is now a black stallion, preparing to gallop away, an unheeded warning powering its haunches to fly away...

Stay tuned... the answers will come....

Ever had a hero...

Ever hated someone so much because every time you looked at them all you saw was yourself? Corny as it sounds - I am buffy the Vampire slayer. To make you understand why would take a life time trust me. But its true - some people Identify with there mothers, others have an older sister to believe in. I had a TV Character, go figure. But the truth is the whole way through the series she was my least favourite character; I never liked her she was too much of a goody goody, always fighting the good fight, always shouldering all the burden. But I can see much better now. I didnt like myself then, in fact I couldnt stand who I was and in my teenage mind, factoring around life as well as it could manage - I was Buffy, and I hated every minute of it.

My mom grew up idolising people like Sophia Loren and her mother - now she is them. Shallow, petty, lazy and expecting the world to fall at her feet.Years after my facisnation with the show I can see now - its okay to be who I am. Im the girl fighting the good fight - Im the one chasing away the demons. Okay they dont seem to slober quite as much as Buffy's but I have them and my family has them and my friends have them.

More than anything I can see - Buffy was alone. One person with a mission and she had her friends but this thing that she was, that persona that she had to deal with day in and day out essentially was very very alone. Now I can see that I felt like that. In hating her for being everything that I was, I think it made me realise that I hated myself. I dont anym0re and I think I can look back and say - its okay to be Buffy.<

The girls from work

I think God chose these girls especially for the Telstra shop in Shepparton. Who else could have picked brighter, sharper more beautiful people??!! Seriously its like the cabin members of Virgin Blue!